Monday, January 25, 2010

Resolved: From now on, this blog is going to suck.

I'm not ideally suited to blogging. I'm inherently self-conscious, long-winded, perfectionistic, and slow. I'm also pathetically susceptible to others' opinions of me. My emotional involvement with my blog--which a few of my "readers" (i.e., best friends) recently noticed I had abandoned--had become more intense than a 13-year-old's crush on Simon Lebon, or, you know, whoever those crazy kids are into these days.

Previously, I would spend a week writing something far too long for a blog post, forcing my husband to read it six times and reassure me it was okay. I would sit at the computer, meditating on that orange "PUBLISH POST" button as if it were the proverbial Red Button. Finally, I would take a deep breath, press the button and hop up and pace around the room. Then I would read it over in published blog form, to make sure there were no errors I'd missed. Then I would unpublish it, because there would be. This could go on for an hour, or three. For the next few days I would compulsively check for comments every ten minutes, and each time I got one, it would be like I'd won the Nobel Frikkin Prize. My metabolism was heightened, I flushed, I fidgeted. When all 7 people had read it, and the comments tapered off, I would slide into a funk.

I fully realize how lame this is. Or was. I know what a blog is, or is supposed to be. I understand that everyone who reads it is somebody I know, who will either enjoy it and say something nice, or politely keep their mouths shut. I really do get it, that nobody cares, and it doesn't matter. We can examine the appalling lack of excitement and purpose in my life some other time, or not.

The thing is, in spite all of the emotional upheaval it caused me, I think blogging was good for me, because it gave me something to do (I know, you're thinking maybe if I had, like, two things to do, it wouldn't seem so important... um, shut up). Anyway. I really want to continue blogging. I just, seriously, can't fuss so much about whether it's any good.

So, fair warning: from now on, this blog will disappoint you. I will long-windedly blather about stuff that you don't care about, and make jokes that aren't as funny as I seem to think they are. I will be overly serious sometimes, and say stuff you disagree with. I'll probably even insult you, and your mother, and her stupid little dog. You are going to HATE this blog from now on. You probably won't even read it at all.

Whatever. Like I care.

8 comments:

IceCreamMan said...

Mmmm-hmmm. And how long did it take you to write and post this?

By the way, I didn't send you a message about it, but I noticed just a few days ago that I hadn't seen any posts from your blog in a while. I wasn't sure if you had stopped writing blog posts, or if you were still blogging, but not announcing the posts on Facebook.

anne57 said...

My mother has a little dog???

David W. Padrusch said...

I just asked Sara today when the last time you blogged! Get out of your effing head and write some shit yo. We all love it and love you. Tough love, DP style baby.

Annette said...

A few years ago I was lamenting the lack of excitement and purpose in my love life with my co-workers. This was not at all comforting, as my co-workers at the time were all young men in their 20s either in monogamous relationships or too emotionally stunted to attempt mating. But in any case I told them how one evening while home alone watching TV I saw one too many commercials for match.com (this was before I gave my life to graduate school and I had time to watch TV and muse about my love life).

So I grabbed my laptop, zipped through the interwires to match.com and did a search for women within 20 miles of moi. Turns out every woman-loving-woman in my semi-immediate area is "sexy, witty and fun." Really? Sexy, witty AND fun? Have these people actually spent any time with themselves? Have they done any self reflectionn whatsoever, anything beyond reading the "Tips for writing appealing profiles"? I think not. I told my co-workers my match.com profile would go something like this:

"I fart, I am in love with the sound of my own voice and I WILL disappoint you." I believe in truth in advertising.

So fear not dear writer. We know you, and your pain, all too well. Anything worth doing is worth doing really badly. Strike a blow against mediocrity! We'll be here when you're ready to live down to our expectations.

Sara Padrusch said...

Thank god you've started writing again because I cannot be the only one writing boring lame housewife nonsense. Look at it as doing me a favor and relieving me of the burden of boring the internet single-handedly. Now I can take a day off from blogging about my laundry safe in the knowledge that you will be picking up the slack.

Love you babe!

Anonymous said...

Amy! I was missing your blog--sounds like an excellent plan--I look forward to reading the insults and more! I'd become a follower but don't think I'm a Google Friend...xoxoxo Helen

Anonymous said...

I heart you, Amy <3 Niki

Anonymous said...

Someday when you're a famous tortured writer I'll get to say I knew you when. You're blogs are perfect. And hilarious! Heidi