Valentines to my Life

Valentine's Day is a fine occasion to express your feelings to those you hold dear; verse is the traditional language of love. Here are the Valentines I'm sending this year.


Haiku for Indoor Plumbing

O, Indoor Plumbing,
What would I do without you?
Go pee in the snow.


Ode to Dick Wolf

Dick Wolf, you are so filthy rich,
You've made America your bitch.
I watch crime happen ever'y night,
Basking in the hi-def light.

I know exactly how it goes
From watching thousands of your shows.
But your predictability
Is what makes you so dear to me.

So go ahead and make some more
And put in lots of blood and gore.
You've hooked me through my prurience
Now you're my favorite decadence.


Shakespearean Sonnet for Arlington Trash Pick-Up

Each week they come and haul my trash away,
Whilst I am sleeping soundly in my bed,
And tidy dreams of order fill my head.
Ere I awake, my curb is sans decay.
Throughout the weary week, it piles high.
Unwanted items, having done their best
To satisfy our needs, now go to rest,
I do not weep or mourn to say goodbye.
E'en if I leave a sofa or a chair
Which filthy beast and child hath rip'd and rent,
On which no arse shall henceforth find content,
Yea, even such such a burden they will bear.
Recycl'ing, too, a wonder to behold,
Might mix and mingle freely, kind with kind,
If paper, plastic, glass and steel combined,
Yet all are taken, Township does not scold.
If such a wonder could to minds apply,
TV-show theme songs from my brain couldst fly.


Haiku for Two Sons

Messy, loud, unclean
Are you listening to me?!
Sleep; I kiss your cheek.


Homage a Fromage

You are so delicious, I eat you all day,
And I never get tired or sick.
You're there when I need you, when winter is grey,
Or when hubby is being a prick.

I eat you with dinner, I eat you with lunch,
Be you Cheddar or Muenster or Brie,
You'll never desert me, not even for brunch,
And especially not afternoon tea.

I eat you and eat you, though my bowels object
And who cares what my scale has to say?
Our passion's unending, our ardor unchecked,
Our true love will show me the whey.


Facebook Limerick

There once was a stay-at-home mom,
Whose brain did refuse to be calm,
Until facebook she found,
And her psyche unwound--
Now she thinks she's the queen of the prom.


Prayer to Normal

O Normal!
Keep me this day safe in thy boring arms!
Deliver unto me a host of petty concerns;
Subject me to untold minor irritations!
For if I lamented too grievously thy burden,
And thou deserted me in wrath and spite,
How woefully should I suffer for thy loss!
Well I remember when last thou went away,
And Fate and Worry came to take thy place;
As now they torment millions, who long for thee.
Grant me, then, your rashes and appointments,
Your messes and carpools, your burdensome school projects,
Your debts to pay, your broken fixtures, your foul weather!
And I shall offer gratitude, and only whine a little.



Happy Valentine's Day, Blog! Now, your turn: leave a haiku for a loved one/thing in my comment section. Major extra credit for longer poetic forms!